*I altered this from the U.S. Marine Rifle Creed

This is my epee.

There are many like it, but this one is MINE.

My epee is my best friend. It is my life.

I must master it as I must master my life.

My epee without me is useless. Without my epee, I am useless.

I must attack with my epee true.

I must extend straighter than my opponent who is trying to defeat me.

I must hit him before he hits me. I will...

My epee and myself know that what counts in a bout is not the parries we make,

the fleches we attempt, nor the scars we leave behind.

We know it is the hits that count. We will hit...

My epee is human, even as I, because it is my life.

Thus, I will learn it as a brother.

I will learn its weaknesses, its strengths, its parts, its wiring, its troubles.

I will ever guard it against the ravages of weather and damage.

I will keep my epee clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready.

We will become part of each other. We will...

Before God I swear this creed.

My epee and myself are the defenders of my piste.

We are the masters of our opponent.

We are the saviors of my life.

So be it, until there is no opponent, but victory.

You ever miss something so much that you get distracted from everything else and can only focus on the thing you miss most? Right now I am seriously missing performing. I loooved performing and being on stage, getting reactions out of an audience. It has always been one of my favorite things. I was on stage all throughout my childhood and high school and now that I'm in college I've almost completely neglected any sort of performing art.

What brings me on this rant is that I'm taking the beginning social(ballroom) dance class at OSU and I have absolutely fallen in love with it. A big part is that I actually get to dance, which I love, and because I'm the best dancer in the class (no, I'm not bragging), I always get pulled out to dance with the instructors to show the class how to do the new moves. It is wonderfully fun and being in the middle of the class gives me the feeling of being back on stage. I miss it so terribly much!

When I started college I was happy with going to class and fencing. Now I'm beginning to realize that I need a more creative outlet to counter the both of them. Fencing is my outlet for school, I think dance or performing would be a great outlet for fencing. My only problem is finances. The main reason I do so much at the fencing club is because I don't have to pay any money for classes or tourneys at our club, just for my private lessons (which are adding up). I need to get a real job again so I can afford to take on another activity and build my savings.

I need to dance!

I just figured out my grades for Autumn quarter '07. I have a B- in Communications, a B+ in Math, and an A in Education,as well as Sociology of gender! This will definitely raise my GPA at least by one point!!! I'm happy!

Other news, my niece and nephew have been torturing my parents household all day. Sam has been a royal terror, causing me to put him in time-out for ten minutes ~and~ take away his Stinky Teddy, but he did go #2 in the potty after much arguing and duress.

Oh, and...

Happy birthday, MOM!!!!!

I'm finally home! I'm so glad to be back home! I love my bed! I love being able to drink tap water! I love comfortable furniture that DOESN'T smell like a decaying, Soviet-tortured person! I love that the majority of the population knows about deodorant! I REALLY LOVE CEREAL, marinara sauce, real vegetables, and TAP WATER with ICE!

Don't get me wrong. I had a good time, stayed/visited some interesting places, and did some really fun stuff, but right now I have a very nasty head cold and I just got back after traveling for 23 hours on no sleep...so I was awake for almost 48 straight hours...almost.

How I have to wash my clothes and get ready for coaches college in two days.

After much waiting and sweating of blood, without the $60 expedition fee, Pryce's people followed through and got me my passport just four days after I called them! I received it this morning! I have a friend who sent his application in three weeks before me and still hasn't gotten it yet.

I'm going to LITHUANIA after all!

Hello, Friends,



If you do not like bathroom stories, DO NOT READ THIS POST! Just don't read this! If you are into scatological humor, or know someone who is (probably male, or under the age of 9), you will enjoy this. My mom heard my dad howling with laughter, and had to ask…. It’s funny, but definitely rated PG. Dad says it is “very well written.” It was on one of his Civil War re-enactor boards. There are no pictures, except mental ones. I’m glad I don’t have to clean boy’s bathrooms any more.
































All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to pick up an order. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathroom. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 0 through 4 (I write a lot of software) for your convenience:

0.Occupied

1.Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one.

2.Poo on seat.

3.Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat.

4.No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet.

Clearly, it had to be Stall #1. I trudged back, entered, dropped trou and sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful Crapper. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot.

I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. Crapper was blathering to Mrs. Crapper about the Crappy day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier.

Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder in one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit resonance frequency of the stall, and it shook gently.

Once my Buttcheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent: (1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench.

It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence.

"Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with the suppressed sounds of choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??"

Next door I could hear fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my anal symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up... in my mouth.... not... make it... tell the kids... love them... oh God..." followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching.

Alas, it is evidently difficulty to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by a string of swear words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet.

After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth.

As I left, I glanced to the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know.

I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has managed to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous poop-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public -- and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in the loo. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your

Damn straight! My grades for this quarter are:
Statistics 135: B+
Edu P&L 306: A-
English 367: A-
Enlish 551: A-! Beat that! Three A-es and a B+! That's the best I've done thus far in my college education! Raised my GPA from a 3.12 to a 3.2 overall, and earned a 3.6 for the quarter! HA!

Sure, it was for foil. Sure, it was only a "C" and under tournament, and I was one of two "C" rated fencers out of 18 non-C-rated fencers, but I bloody well worked hard for it! Proof? My lunging knee (right knee) is absolutely dead!
Bonuses to today:
1. I finally feel like I deserved a gold medal!(instead of getting one by default)
2. I renewed my C2007 to a C2007 (not necessary, but proves I'm a C-level fencer).

Downer:
1. My epee suffered horribly because my body refused to cooperate
2. My coach is going to yell at me because I sacrificed my epee in order to make foil a C-level event and did shitty in epee.
3. I made my neighbor's grandson (John Deere) cry because I knocked him out of the tourney, making him loose his chance at a "C" which he's wanted for over a year.
4. I embarrassed the heck out of myself when I went to jump up on the awards podium (the 3-2-1-3 place stacked thing), my foot made solid contact w/ the 2nd tier, but as I went to pull myself up, my foot slipped b/c my knee went out, I spun, landed on my butt the 2nd tier (a talent), and knocked the poor kid off who got 2nd place. It was funny enough that I laughed at myself for it.
5. I am in some serious pain!!!! My knee is killing!

Note to self: Next time, let Terry fence foil. Also, don't counter attack into a guy over a foot taller, and possibly fifty pounds heavier. They don't stop. This resulted in me getting the touch, but he kept going, ran into me, and I ended up rolling my ankle and popping my knee. Owwie!

Oh, my grades so far are: A-, A-, B+, and I haven't heard from the fourth. I expect to make the dean's list.

MY HEAD IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Royal de Luxe, French Street Theatre -- Giant Girl Puppet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBXr15K2uSc&eurl=

So...a lot happened this weekend and I haven't even begun to finish about what happened last weekend. So...a brief summary of last weekend:

The Fencing Halloween party went very well. Not as many people as the last time, I don't think, but it was still interesting. Somehow I managed to come in 2nd place for the pumpkin carving contest (with Liesl as my carving partner) again. It was probably my worst pumpkin yet but I was told it had "character". Live band at the party. It was nice.

After the party was another run to Outland w/ Scott, Dan, Terry, Liesl, and myself. I didn't go in costume again b/c I was exhausted and not in the mood so I just dressed nice w/ 4" silver stilettos. My feet were killing me by the end of the night but at least I looked nice and felt almost attractive.

Before Outland I had to stop by work to see if a manager was there but it was after 1am so none of the managers were there. It sucked. I didn't know if I needed to come in and I really didn't want to b/c I was tired and not feeling well but still wanting to party b/c it was probably the only chance I'd get to do so for a long time. After work I went to my dorm to change into club clothes.

Outland was pretty good while everyone was still slightly sober. I arrived to find a jello shot waiting for me which I quickly consumed but I didn't have much all night. Just 4 jello shots total, I think. Did pretty much the same thing Sat. and we did Fri. only this time Wraith was there which made me very happy because I haven't seen him in FOREVER!!! So I talked with him for a good while then introduced him to all of my buddies and all six of us played pool. It was fun. Oh, and Wraith gave me a beautiful tool which I treasure and have told no one in this dorm about!

After Outland was Steak-n-Shake. I ordered soup and hot water (I was soooooooo cold!) while everyone ordered large shakes and other junkfood. I fell asleep on Terry's shoulder (I hadn't slept in three days) woke up to a check being shoved in my face.

After paying all of us went to the back parking lot (all of us drove separately 'cept Dan who was with Scott) to discover that Scott's car had been towed and they were hauling off someone's truck. So Terry had to take Dan home (which I had offered to do) and then drive Scott all over downtown to get his car back. A shitty ending to a decent day.

Sunday I called off work because I had become sick during the night and there was no way I was getting up in the morning.

There. That is the rest of my weekend.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


This weekend:

Friday: Worked from 6:30am-2:30pm. Then Four of the girls from the suite went with me to Target to get me some curtains. I ended up buying two sheet sets for $14. I figure something out. Went to World Market then PetMart. Corrine bought three fish, Katie bought one, and so did I. It was great.

Saturday: Slept in and hung around until 6:30pm-10:30pm when I subbed for Pattie at work. After that I went to the RPAC an had a good workout. Returned to the suite to find my roommate's boyfriend here, again!, and my room smelling of yuck and Bath and Bodyworks. He took a shower in our bathroom, hogging both showers and I needed one b/c I had to wake up early and go to work Sunday morning. Patricia, Corrine, Katie, and I all got pissed so we went to Joelle's room (the RA) and knocked on his door (at after 1am) to have someone there for an intervention. He answered sleepy-headed and we all think his was naked. As soon as the door opened Katie and I burst out laughing. Mine was from embarrassment. We explained the situation as quickly as possible and left him alone. Rushing back to our dorm, laughing hysterically, we all congregated in Katie and Corrine's room and couldn't stop laughing. It took an hour to calm down.

I finally got my shower and tried to go to bed. When I went into my room, they were watching football. I nicely asked them to turn the volume off. He piped up and said they weren't going to. I told him that I had to go to bed and that I had to work in the morning. Finally she popped in and said she's turn it down but not off. I ask why they couldn't turn it off to which she asked if I could really hear it. I told them if I could I'd let them know. Two minutes later of trying to sleep I told them to turn it down. I hate her. I hate her boyfriend. If she left or got hit by a car or something I know I wouldn't feel bad about it for very long and I can't say that about many people. She needs to go away. The girls don't want me to leave. They want ~her~ gone.

Sunday: Woke up a 2nd time to a call from work. Jovan called off and I needed to come in early to help set up. Damn. I did so and bought breakfast of a tasty, honey-wheat bagel and a mango-strawberry smoothie. Mmmmmm. Work was slow but tolerable and when I arrived home I found out my fish was dead. FUCK! Maybe they did it. I don't know. I'm just tire, pissed, and I have a shitload of homework to do before tomorrow at 8:00am.

This is increadibly rediculous but still fairly amuzing... http://www.princeton.edu/~ferguson/adw/humor/cows.shtml

Steve Irwin, better known as "The Crocodile Hunter" is dead! http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14663786/

So I've finished all of the first aid, defibulation, and sports safety stuff and passed with flying colors. Now all I have to do is orientation. I have until 7:30 but I have to get dinner and such. I would like to be a ble to work out but the gym is closed and that puts me off a little bit. Now I'm just waiting on people so we can all have dinner.

There are soooooooooo many teenyboppers here! AGH!

I'm not really hungry but I need to eat now or I won't get to until later. Maybe I'll take a shower as well. I dunno. I hope it starts to storm soon. It's been cloudy all day and it's driving me nuts that we've gotten nothing more than a sprinkle or two. Natives of Colorado are complaining because it's too humid for them. I just shake my head. It's pretty cool here, only about 80 or less so it's nice.

I'm going to go now. The teenyboppers are taking over.


P.S. One of the best parts about the campus is that they have an outdoor chess set. A bit one. The pieces are about waist high. Tis very sweet.

I have now been in Colorado Springs, CO for a day and a half now. Let me tell you. It's pretty here, for the most part. Nice mountains, which I got to visit, Terry's family is insane, but in a good way, and coaches college, so far, isn't that bad. But nothing has really started yet. At 2:00pm I have Sports Safety Training and I just passed CPR and AED so I'm in a decent mood. Not to mention I have a full tummy with nummy food and chocolate espresso and chocolate mousse for dessert!

I'm looking forward to SST. It's supposed to last 4 hours, 2-6. Yeah. Terry already took it so he doesn't have to. Well gatta go for now. TTFN

How many of you knew that Hugh Jackman had a past?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYpyLzORfP0